How to Survive the Newborn Stage

How to Survive the Newborn Stage (+20 Helpful Perspectives from Real Moms Who’ve Been There)

How to Survive the Newborn Stage

Have you ever noticed that as humans, we tend to have complete tunnel vision for whatever season of life we happen to be in? It’s all we can see, all we can relate to, and all we are interested in, and because that season is so all-encompassing, it often feels like it will last forever. Pregnancy is a whole new season, one filled with anticipation and worry and excitement and fear. Once your baby is born, this season of motherhood can tend to be all-encompassing and sometimes so difficult that we wish the current season away. Today I want to share how to survive the newborn stage + 20 other real advice & perspectives from mamas who have gone before us.

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The Struggle (and snuggle) is Real.

I spent my days during pregnancy reading all the books & blogs, talking to other moms on what to expect, prepping the nursery and day dreaming about what the future would hold. Even with all of that preparation, no one can truly prepare you for the first few moments and months after your child is born. While some people love and thrive during the new born stage, I have to admit it was tough for me. I realized how important it was to slow down, heal from delivery and take time to “learn” your baby.

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It’s A Huge Life Change

I did love the newborn snuggles and precious bonding moments. There was a beauty and a rawness about it, but it was not easy. There is suddenly a precious human that you are solely responsible for and and entrusted solely to your care. You are expected to deeply love and cherish a baby you don’t quite know yet. Not to mention, you have just gone through labor & delivery, you’re running on less than 2 hours of sleep, you are trying to learn how to breastfeed and let’s face it– hormones are everywhere.

You Are Not Alone

I never experienced postpartum anxiety/depression, but I know several mom friends who did, so if you are experiencing those types of symptoms please reach out & let your friends/doctor know. Becoming a mom can be hard even if you aren’t experiencing postpartum depression, so know you are definitely not alone, and be sure to share your struggles with those you trust so they can help you get through it. If you are anything like me, there were some moments of feeling overwhelmed or like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

All Seasons Come to an End

I’m here to tell you, there is! This stage may seem to last forever, but in reality, it’s over in a blink. I was able to bond much quicker with my second baby because I was able to see and embrace the stage we were in. Each phase comes with its challenges and draw backs, but we need to remember to live in the moment and don’t wish away the time we have with them. They are only babies once and it flies by too quickly to always be anticipating and dreaming of the next phase. Even in the most difficult season, remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and no phase last forever. It will be over before you know it, so don’t miss it.

Keep Your Expectations in Check

Don’t try to conform your child into what a book says they should be doing. I know several books promise that if you do A + B you will get C. This is not always the case as every child is so different. Trying to schedule out your day perfectly, not being flexible as a mom, or worrying about certain milestones will leave you frustrated and not able to enjoy your child. I suggest trusting your mama instinct and relying on the Lord for wisdom in each stage. I would just prioritize loving on your baby and meeting his/her needs. It’s great to seek advice from a book, but don’t let it stress you out if it doesn’t work for you and definitely don’t let it steal your joy. Read the advice, but just do what works for your family and discard the rest.

Be a Team

This is a time where tensions may be high and sleep deprivation is real. It can make you more snappy and emotional than usual. When hormones are all over the place, its easy to blame situations or feelings on your spouse. I know when I was frustrated that the baby would wake up right when I was about to go to sleep and sometimes I would take that out on my husband. It’s important to keep your marriage healthy by communicating your feelings & staying on the same page, while also giving each other grace & know you are in this together.

Depend on God and Each Other

Together you can pray and ask God to step in and give you strength when you are feeling weak & depleted of energy. When one is weak, the other can be strong. By uniting as a team, you are making sure that respect and appreciation are being communicated and not allowing bitterness or un-forgiveness to creep in and divide your team. When a marriage is flourishing, so will the family unit.

Related: Little Things to Help Create a Strong Marriage and Family

Change your perspective

Don’t get me wrong, it is one of my greatest joys to be a mom and I believe all children are a precious gift from the Lord. “Children are not a distraction from the greatest work, they ARE the greatest work.” Besides our love for God and our husbands, our kids should be our next biggest priority. No matter how hard a season is, it’s important to allow our minds to focus on the positive and be thankful for even the small things. I also surveyed several other mommy bloggers who wrote some of the things they wish they would have known as a new mama.

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Learn From Other Moms

Here are the top 20 mom advice I received on surviving the newborn stage:

1. “It’s important to let go of any expectations. By now, I am sure you have been all over the internet reading up on what to expect with a newborn and all the stages your baby will go through. Also, your internet search will continue once baby arrives because you will have so many questions. The difficult thing with the internet is we tend to assume that our baby will behave the same way or what works for one baby will work for mine but truth is every baby is different and has their own little personality. When I stopped searching for answers and focused on my baby’s individual needs, I was less hard on myself and things started to fall into place. There will be moments of what the heck am I doing but ultimately you know your baby best. Your mama instinct will take over but once you let go of any expectations and embrace what is, it will get easier mentally and physically! — www.becomingmamastogether.com
2. One of my biggest struggles during the newborn stage was balance. I tried to do everything I had done prior to having a baby. Keep the house clean, join family and friends on outings, etc. I lost track of my real priorities; establishing a routine, sleep, self-care, etc. and it sunk me into PPD. The best thing you can do once you have your baby is to focus on those priorities and enjoy the newborn phase. Www.lorenaylennox.com
3. Now that we’re out of the early day fog of sleepiness, I can take a step back and realize that these days are what Motherhood is made of. The good and the bad, the exhaustion but also the snuggles and sweet smell of beautiful fresh baby laying on my chest. The early days are when you get your Mom badge that you can wear proudly… and hold over them when they’re 18 and think they’re too cool to hang out with you! 😉 https://alwaysus.co/2019/04/03/2-under-2-2-months/
4. It’s not always possible to do everything while the baby is sleeping. Rest when they rest. Bring the bouncer to every room of the house to get things done. Showering was made much easier by bringing the bouncy chair into the bathroom while I took a quick shower. I could see baby, and he could smell me so he stayed calm. –www.Stopyellingplease.com
5. Try to get as much fresh air as possible! Between feedings, naps, recovery, and so much more, it’s easy to stay cooped up inside as you’re just attempting to get through each day. A little fresh air and sunshine does wonders, and it can be as simple as sitting on the porch for a few minutes. My mood always lifted when I took a break like that, and it made getting through the newborn fog a little easier! ♥️ www.writeoneweek.com
6. If they’re nursing all the time, it’s ok. As long as they’re growing, they’re getting enough. Don’t give up! They will slow down soon. I’ve seen so many moms freak out about their newborns nursing all the time because they’ve been told babies will go one to two hours between feedings. They usually think they’re not making enough milk, but most of the time that’s not the case (even if that’s what everyone is suggesting!). All three of mine so far have been almost constant nursers through 5 or 6 weeks, and they’ve all thrived. That is because this is when your milk supply is being established. www.supermomorsomething.com
7. The best advice i can give you is that its okay to say no. Dont feel obligated to say yes to visitors if youre not ready yet. You don’t have to entertain. If you do decide to have people come, be open about what you need. People want to help. Ask them to bring food, for example. This is a time to bond with your baby, don’t be afraid to accept help and now is not the time to try to be a people pleaser. Be open and honest and forget about guilt. Everyone will understand. www.Cenduparam.com
8. It’s okay to hold the baby…as much as you want! People told me I was going to “spoil” my babies. Nope. They weren’t spoiled. They were loved and I LOVED holding my babies every moment! The baby stage doesn’t last forever. Enjoy that warm little baby in your arms and this brief season. It is over in the blink of an eye. www.steakandkale.com/
9. Talk about your anxious feelings! Post partum anxiety is so rampant and less commonly talked about than PPD. It is normal to feel that way, but also so important to get support in whatever capacity is appropriate for you and your family! I think adding a baby is the biggest life change a woman can go through so it makes sense that with the added hormones things go a little haywire. https://motherhoodbymeredith.com/…/to-the-new-mama…/
10. Take it day by day and moment by moment. It’s okay to try and just survive without worrying about chores. Don’t compare yourself to other moms who seem like they have it all together- they probably don’t. Cuddle that baby as much as you want and don’t feel guilty. Also don’t feel guilty when you need to shower and put the baby down in a safe place or with dad for a bit. You need you time to take care of yourself as well. www.Spoonie-mama.com
11. Never ever, be afraid to ask for help or accept help. My second baby was totally different than my first, he was in and out of hospitals–failure to thrive. I was an emotional mess and couldn’t have done it without my military family and husband. Chores can wait! Relax and nap when the baby does! Sleep was hard to come by for me so when they did nap I napped as well. You don’t have to take any unsolicited advice, I was always told I spoiled my child because I held him all the time. My oldest is five now and guess what? He’s not spoiled. You do what’s best for your child, you’re the momma! www.failuretothrivenomore.com
12. Not being able to “go to sleep” at night was the hardest part for me. My best advice after having 5 babies, is as often as you can, sleep when the baby sleeps. Taking lots of little naps does help when you aren’t getting the long stretch at night you are used to. Accept that days and nights will basically be the same for a couple months until the baby starts sleeping a little longer stretches and you can create a routine. www.Onehoppymomma.Com
13. Give yourself grace!!! Grace for your mood swings, your baggy clothes, your inability to handle people or share your baby. Grace to figure it all out one day at a time because every baby brings a new dynamic to the family. Casey at www.threein3.com
14. Document it. Journal it, photograph it, record it on video. Document it all, even the simple things. It goes by so incredibly fast, that while you’re busy trying to “survive it”, it can feel like you forgot to truly enjoy it. I wish I had recorded or written more those first few months. Sometimes it would be nice to have more than just the photos I took. Www.beautifullymediocre.com
15. Talking to friends and other moms gave me a voice and a strong support group. I found that I wasn’t alone, and most importantly, I wasn’t going crazy! I learned that motherhood was a struggle for most moms. Knowing these things brought some positivity and excitement back into my life. From the new moms, to those who have raised 5 kids and are now empty nesters, I needed the constant stream of knowledge and experience. Get in touch with other moms like yourself, and you are almost guaranteed to receive some special wisdom or motivation. https://sidekickmama.com/sanity-with-a-newborn
16. My husband works far from us so when we had the new baby in the house, I opted to automate whenever possible, I ordered even for our meals and groceries to be delivered. Another thing I’ve learned, is to not hesitate to ask for an extra hand. Be kind to yourself and take advantage of other people’s offer to help esp when having sleepless nights. www.cheerfulnomads.net
17. I think it’s easy to get bogged down by little things that are temporary — the messes, the laundry, how impossible it is to get out of the house — instead of focusing on foundational things. Sure, we’re tired and our house is never clean, but my kids are healthy and growing, my marriage is strong, and our family is stable. Mom of 4 blogging at www.thekriegers.org
18. New baby priorities come first and they are a constant marathon. You and your partner must truly become a team to juggle these new parenting demands. New parents need to learn to always think about how your choices and actions now affect the other parent. For example, wanting to stay up late one night means you may not be able to wake early to let mom sleep in. www.pursuetoday.com
19. Schedule yourself some self-care time. Doesn’t matter if it’s for a walk everyday, or a simple uninterrupted shower where dad or someone can watch the babies. You NEED that time to yourself to recharge. Take the time, as much as possible. You’re going to need it, and know it’s going to get easier. www.accomplishedfamily.com
20. One of the most difficult things as a new mama is birthing the mother within you. From one minute to the next, your life is changed forever. Becoming a mother is a natural process, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy! Learning to take care of yourself, balance your work, relationship, and home duties on TOP of a tiny human that needs endless attention has got to be one of the HARDEST transitions humans ever make. The best way to overcome it is by prioritizing yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup. And it takes time- be patient with yourself! Elizabeth Stone www.mamaand.co

RELATED: Top 5 Lessons I’ve Learned as a New Mom

You’ve got this mama!

Hope this was an encouragement to you mamas who are trying to survive the newborn stage or about to be in the thick of it. Know there is a community of women out there going through the exact same things. I am praying that God will give you the patience and strength you need when sleep is scarce and that He will provide for all of your needs as you welcome your new little one. Enjoy those precious newborn snuggles, it really does go by so fast.

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Xoxo, Dorothy